[	Current Location	|	Still snowed in my	]
[	mood	|	crushed	]
[	music	|	More Joy Division	]

Like I said in my last post, I have been out of my medication for about a month and I am starting to feel the effects.  It's been okay for the last week or so because I have just been kind of manic.  I've been able to survive on only a few hours sleep, I have been far too energetic for my owe good.  I keep putting off studying, because I'm convinced that I don't need to.  I'm finally staring to come down from that.  I am so moody over everything.  One minute I'm fine, the next I'm almost in tears.  Anyone only needs to say one thing tome and I flip out.  I mean I'm a fairly angry person to begin with, but this is ridiculous.  I got so frustrated with the Financial Aid office today that I called my mom and made her go talk to them.  I was just so pissed off at them.  I am freaking out because I haven't heard from someone in a few days.  I normally don't really care.  But it is such a big deal, my self-esteem rides on it.  And I hate that.  My self-esteem shouldn't depend on another person.

[	Current Location	|	Sitting on my fat ass	]
[	mood	|	distressed	]
[	music	|	Joy Division	]

I feel so isolated now.  I've only left my house once this week to do anything and that was to go to school.  It is snowing so bad I can't go anywhere.  I have to ask people for rides now because my mom hit my car and smashed my tail light out.  I've been out of my medication for a little over a month and I can feel the difference.  I can't even get to the clinic to get my medication.  I get upset over stupid things.  My best friend's father died two weeks ago and it got me thinking about a lot of things.  I am upset because I know my friend is upset.  I feel really bad because I didn't know her dad that well and it's not affecting me as much as it should.  I just called her and she put the phone down to go do her hair, and didn't come back.  I'm almost crying because I just turned on "24 Hour Party People" and Ian Curtis just died.  I'm so tired of having completely irrational thoughts.  I'm getting better at remembering to write people, but everyone else has their own lives, and I'm not really a part of that anymore.  It sounds really pathetic, but with as isolated as I am right now, that's really the only human contact I get.  Everyday when I go to school, I walk around and people stare at me.  Part of the reason I chose to go to a school 30 miles away instead of the school 15 miles away is I thought it would be a little more diverse.  God I was so wrong.  I am the closest thing to a punk/Goth/glam rocker there is.  That is pretty horrid, considering I'm not any of those.  I just wear combat boot.  No one has talked to me the entire time I've been there.  I've gotten to the point where I'm convinced that I could just disappear and no one would notice.